BREAKING NEWS: LOCAL 9-YEAR-OLD CURRENTLY ACCEPTING CHALLENGERS

NOW HIRING: BEHAVIOR TECHNICIAN (BT/RBT)

East Meadow, NY 11554
Pay so good you'll check your direct deposit twice because clearly there must be a mistake
⏰ Monday-Thursday | 4 PM-7 PM
1-on-1 In-Home ABA Case

ATTENTION HUMAN BEINGS:

We have a situation.

A highly verbal, highly intelligent 9-year-old boy has been identified in East Meadow.

Experts have confirmed he is:

✅ Very smart

✅ Very funny

✅ Very determined

✅ Fully capable of arguing a point long after most adults would've surrendered and ordered takeout

This isn't just a child.

This is a tiny CEO with strong opinions and unlimited speaking minutes.

WHAT YOU'RE UP AGAINST

This young man possesses:

⚡ The ability to ask "Why?" enough times to make philosophers nervous

⚡ The confidence of a man who's never paid a bill in his life

⚡ Negotiation skills usually found in car dealerships

⚡ The unique talent of making you explain the same rule five different ways and then responding,

"Yeah, but technically..."

THINGS YOU MAY EXPERIENCE ON THIS CASE

Losing an argument to someone who still needs permission to stay up past bedtime

Being presented with a 10-minute closing statement explaining why your request is unfair

Hearing the phrase:

"Actually, that's not what happened..."

and immediately preparing yourself emotionally

Discovering that a 9-year-old somehow found a loophole in a rule you created 30 seconds ago

Trying not to laugh during a behavior because the child is unintentionally funnier than most stand-up comedians

WHY YOU'LL LOVE THIS JOB

THE PAYCHECK

Amazing pay.

The kind of pay where your bank account finally stops sending passive-aggressive messages.

THE SCHEDULE

Monday through Thursday.

4 PM-7 PM.

Fridays?

Yours.

Weekends?

Also yours.

Go touch grass.

Sleep in.

Become a person again.

THE IMPORTANT STUFF

You'll be helping an incredible child build communication, coping, flexibility, and independence skills.

The laughs are free.

The impact is real.

YOU MAY BE A PERFECT FIT IF YOU HAVE:

✅ The patience of a Starbucks employee during the morning rush

✅ The energy of a golden retriever who just heard the word "walk"

✅ The creativity of a parent explaining why the ice cream truck is "out of ice cream"

✅ The ability to remember 47 different things while pretending everything is completely under control

✅ Experience working with children and ABA

✅ The emotional strength to hear "that's not fair" multiple times per week

FINAL WARNING

This case won't stay open for long.

Someone is going to grab this opportunity.

The only question is:

Will it be you, or will you be sitting at home wondering how somebody else got paid to become a professional tiny-human negotiator?

Send your resume, availability, and hourly rate expectations TODAY!

No cape required. No superpowers required. Just patience, a sense of humor, and a willingness to occasionally be humbled by a 9-year-old with excellent debating skills.

ONE CHILD. ONE CASE. THOUSANDS OF "WHY?" QUESTIONS.

APPLY NOW BEFORE THIS OPPORTUNITY DISAPPEARS FASTER THAN A KID WHO JUST HEARD THE WORD "CHORES."